Nothing But Love

2003-08-27T13:08:00.000-04:00

i moved. go here.

see ya.

2003-07-21T15:03:00.000-04:00

SPECIAL PREVIEW AND ANNOUNCEMENT

i THOUGHT it was going to be two more days, but it's basically ready now. www.nothingbutlove.net. that's my new home and a birthday present! i'll be working (that means matt will be working) on linking to my blogspot archives and tweaking other stuff for the next couple of days.

2003-07-21T10:35:00.000-04:00

2 MORE DAYS!

2003-07-20T23:00:00.000-04:00

VOTE HERE

OK. IS HE BLOGGING OR WORKING?

2003-07-19T15:37:00.000-04:00

TESTING 1, 2, 3

2003-07-19T14:02:00.000-04:00

OPEN THE DOOR! POLICE!

last night, after jax came home at 11:30, conked out. i mean conked out. we keep our bedroom door closed to keep beagle scout in the room. when we closed the door to sleep, i asked bill if sheba was on the floor where i couldn’t see her. he said no, that she was probably in jax’s room.

just before 3 a.m., the phone rang. if you’re like me, when the phone rings in the middle of the night, you are instantly jolted awake. scared. bill picks up the phone:

bill: hello?
caller: mr. lang?
bill: yes, who’s this>
caller: this is the avon lake police department, mr. lang

oh fuck. you know how it is. a million thoughts – all of them bad – run through your head in the small part of a second before you hear the rest of the words.

caller: do you have a dog?
bill: yes?
caller: the officers are at your door right now with your dog.
bill: i’ll be right down.

bill runs down the steps, opens the door. two officers are standing at the door as the most excited and grateful dog you’ve ever seen rushes into the house to bill.

officer: we got a call that she’s been going crazy outside, not able to get in. a neighbor called us.

evidently, jackson let her out when he came home. we have an electronic dog fence, so she doesn’t leave the yard. we are sick. i am torturing myself with the thought of this wonderful (i mean this is the best dog i’ve ever known) dog, frantic at not being able to get in. it was important enough for her to be with us that she could not just lay down and go to sleep.

after about ten minutes of lots of dog kisses and jumping, she jumped on the bed and passed out. she was exhausted. she’s just fine today. i’m sure she’s not feeling as bad as i am, remembering another summer evening ...

matty was just about a year. bill and i put him to bed, opened our lawn chairs on the patio of our townhouse condo we lived in, brought a little portable tv outside, and settled in to watch the ball game, maybe 10 feet below his bedroom window. but it was hot as hell, and the airconditioning was on in the house, so all doors and windows were closed. so bill or i’d get up every once in a while and step inside the door to listen in case he woke up and needed something. never heard a thing. this was from about 7 p.m. to maybe 9 when we went in. i walked upstairs right away to check him. he was sleeping in the crib, but he was beet red, and his white-blonde hair was plastered with sweat to his little head. my first thought was that he had a terrible fever and reached in to touch his head. i said, “matt?” he opened his eyes immediate, looked at me, and said, “mom, you’re home?” he broke into baby boy sobs, telling me that he woke up, called for us, we didn’t answer. so he climbed out of the crib! searched the house for us! he looked under beds! in closets! can you picture this?

i can’t think about it without crying. i had heard about – even was acquainted with – parents who’d LEAVE the house after putting their kids to bed. we may as well have done that. i’ll NEVER forgive myself for that.

2003-07-19T11:07:00.000-04:00

IMMA GENIUS!

i fixed my picture publishing problem ALL BY MYSELF! go look!

2003-07-18T16:05:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. MANDELA!

instead of complaining about my pictures not coming up, go here. now. thanks michelle, for the link!

2003-07-18T12:09:00.000-04:00

NO PICTURE?

if that picture doesn't show up below, i'll fix it later from home. sorry. i know how disappointed you must all be.

2003-07-18T11:56:00.000-04:00

MY LIFE – or something like it

yesterday evening, bill and i went to starbucks. imagine our shock and horror at finding a truck with no handicapped sticker parked in the ONE AND ONLY handicapped parking space! normally, i wait in the car, and bill goes in; in that case we don’t use the handicapped space. duh! but yesterday, i was actually going into starbucks to use the restroom while bill attended to the mochas. so bill’s pissed, i’m pissed, but jen (one of the starbucks “partners”) is WHITE HOT FURIOUS. yay! she does not even let us finish bitching before she’s out the door hot on the trail of the perp. she obviously knows who it is and where to find him. he’s so sorry to jen – she seriously kicks his ass – he was just making a quick delivery to the travel agency next door. he leaves – with his tail between his legs. the travel-agency lady comes over – she’s sorry, too. bill and jen BOTH kick HER ass. all the while, my gimpy ass is in the bathroom. dammit!

so this morning, i pull into my parking lot and head for the handicapped parking spaces (four of them, 2x2, with open access from each end). two women are taking up two of the spaces. not handicapped. just doing a quick swap of some boxes or something in a convenient “unloading” area. so i make the once around in the lot to head into one of the other two spots in front of them (if you’re not following this, don’t worry. not important). there’s a car parked in the traffic lane making easy access to the spots ALMOST impossible. i say almost because i actually got in to one of them. but i get out of my little white who-/ gimp-mobile beetle swearing and pissed. I WANT TO KICK SOME ASS! but the two ladies leave immediately.

denied. again. fair warning – don’t park in a handicapped spot today ANYWHERE in ohio. k?

**********

oh. and here’s a picture of something that tickled me this morning.

it’s a shot of my nightstand. if you’re bored, i understand. it just seemed like it defined my life this morning to me. left to right:

my fan – i’m gonna be 49 next week – this is essential nightstand accoutrements for a 49-year-old woman

the little “vessel” in which i keep my nail file, coins, candle lighter, crap, and the sissy-ribboned nail clippers (thusly be-ribboned so that the BOYS in my house will return to the rightful owner)

the antique candle holder matty bought for me while in london is hiding behind the “vessel.” i have never put a candle in it. why? i don’t know.

a lamp – what? you couldn’t tell that was a lamp???

a box of kleenex – duh

in front of the box of kleenex is what is left of the candle i lit last night. smelled good, but what a freaking mess i have to clean up when i get home!

in front of the candle is the pin bill bought me for our anniversary last month.

behind the kleenex are the hospital pictures of our boys, matt and jax.

the little red bag contains a new stamp to add to my “collection.” i TOLD you – i “collect” stamps – i’m not a stamper!

the 6,784 oz coke bill bought for me saturday. when he brought it out of the gas station to me, i asked him what he was thinking. he said, “you LIKE flat pop! so it’ll last you a week!” it will be a week tomorrow. looks like it will last two weeks to me.

WHAT’S ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND? right now. don’t clean it up til you tell.

2003-07-17T14:46:00.000-04:00

test

2003-07-17T08:19:00.000-04:00

OHMYDOG

i think my site MAY be ok. thanks, bill!

oh. and. i know what i'm getting for my birthday, i know what i'm getting for my birthday. nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah.

2003-07-16T19:04:00.000-04:00

WHAT HAPPENED TO MAY AND JUNE?
although i would just as soon forget the entire month of may

i know, i know -- my site's messed up. i'm working on it. now go answer the questions below!

2003-07-15T19:04:00.000-04:00

WHY THANK YOU FOR ASKING!

2003-07-13T17:26:00.000-04:00

RETAIL THERAPY

phrase stolen from michelle

so. we (bill and i) meet the jackal for lunch at tony roma's. he heads home. we head out for more errands. you have to be sitting down for this next part, i'm afraid. one of the errands is to head to a local piercing kiosk for a piercing on the top cartilage of one of my ears. ok, i know it's weird. no comments about it, please. there is no accounting for people's different tastes. let's just leave it at that. anyway. we get to the mall where my usual choice for ear piercings has ALWAYS been located (it's not like i have 12 holes in each ear -- i have two in one, and one in the other; but the boys, matt, jax, and mark, have had ear piercings done at this place, so i've been there some). it's CLOSED! dammit. so i ask the girl at the dakota watch kiosk who has teeth that make men think of ... umm. never mind. my children read this. so i ask her where to go for a piercing. she says "claire's." i say, "oh, yeah." i vaguely remember this store. but what i had forgotten about this store is that each time i enter this place, i feel like an atomic particulate tractor beam searches for my brain -- and searches every other patron that dares enter, most of whom remind me of the jody foster character in taxi driver . all 13 year-old, bare-midriffed mini women (i wanted to use another word there, but you know me and propriety. we're like this. picture me holding up my index and middle finger together). anyway, the tractor beam. it starts sucking out iq points faster than i can recognize who's in charge to direct my inquiry. oh. it's not like EVERYBODY in the store doesn't turn and look at you and wonder wtf YOU are doing there. i'd guess it's probably the fact that i'm 48 year's old. that or the obvious intelligence in my eyes.

so all these young women are standing, staring at me; and i'm trying to find the one with some kind of name tag to ask a question. bill's standing behind me, shaking. so i decide that the best course of action is to get the hell out. quick. before we can't think anymore. we run.

i pretend we didn't run out of fear. don't wanna make bill feel bad. i say, "it's too crowded in there. let's go to the one closer to home." he says, "good idea."

we finish up the rest of our errands and head to the local claire's (it's right next door to the bath and body works store bill and i frequent at least twice a month). a quick glance inside (as we pretend to be heading to b&bw) reveals that this store is much less crowded. instead of the 150 or so (ok maybe not) 13 year-old patrons and store clerks, there appears to be only 3 women (you know what i'm saying) in the entire store. bill and i quickly ascertain that we could probably take them if necessary. we walk in. quick. before more patrons arrive. this time only three pairs of eyes stare -- i swear they can tell that we are near death (nearer than they are anyway), and they are ready to pounce on our rotting flesh once we drop. that HAS to be what they want. because no one says, "can i help you?" there are two women near the cash register, and the other in my peripheral vision to the right. i know because i have made a note to keep them all in my sight at all times. once again, bill's behind me. i don't think he's shaking yet, but i can smell the fear just starting to grow.

i decide to take charge. of the two at the register, one is wearing what appears to be a name tag. the other with her, none. they both continue staring. no name tag looks away. and then back. and then away. and then back. i will not let them see my fear. so i say, "what? are we too old to come in here?" the one with no name tag says, "what?" so i repeat my polite inquiry. (i swear to god it was polite!). she says, "oh no, it's fine." the name-tag says, "what?" i repeat my question / joke to her. she responds, "what?" wtf? i repeat and add, "it was a joke." she says, "oh." so i ask her, do you do piercings here?" (i'm holding the top of my ear between my thumb and forefinger) she says, "yes, but i am required to tell you that if you get it done here, you'll most likely get a bump where the piercing is." at this point she says something to no name tag that makes it clear to my quickly-shrinking brain that no name tag works here, too. so i say to her, "oh, you work here, too? you get paid to be rude to customers?" clearly, i have taken the upper hand, because nobody knows what to say. i always forget that rule about pretending not to notice stuff. freaks people out.

i decide that my work here is done. they didn't wanna do it, and i'm not letting them touch me. i ask her where i should get it done, and she tells me a piercing parlor. i swear to god i think to myself "a piercing parlor? me? cool. more blogging material!"

we walk out. bill tells me i overreacted. pfffft. i got him out just barely in time. and he doesn't appreciate it.

2003-07-12T15:40:00.000-04:00

MORE STUFF

we're back. billy's blogging (duh!), but so am i (doh!). the ball game's on. we went to starbuck's (twice!), the stamp / stationery store (bill needed envelopes for his 3x5 levenger's note cards, but we wound up spending $120!), the craft store (i needed a new clasp for the pin bill bought me for our anniversary, otw it was just a matter of time before i lost it -- he STILL has not forgiven me for losing his h.s. ring when we were teenagers. when we were teenagers, we wore each other's class rings. we called it going steady. archaic, i know. the girls wrapped the guy's rings with angora yarn to size the ring. ask your mother!), the record store, marc's (if you don't have marc's stores, i'm sorry -- they are the coolest stores on earth). a quick lunch, blogging, and the ball game, and then we're off to the golf course.

while we were in the stamp store, matty called to ask me for a groom and his mom song for the wedding. he needed it asap as mel's faxing the list this afternoon. quick calls to friends dee ann and tanas (marlene was not home), and sister pj produced the following:

dee ann: the beatles' "in my life," louis armstrong's "wonderful world"
tanas: bette midler's "wind beneath my wings," ?'s "the bitch is back" -- thanks tanas!
pj: some kind of celine dion pap -- wtf? helloooo???

i had been thinking "wonderful world" before dee ann called me back, so i told matt "wonderful world" or "in my life."

while we were in the record store i saw jane oliver's "he's so fine." made me cry cuz i used to rock him to sleep singing that. but, alas, too fast for gimpy mom to slow dance to.

what would you have told him? come on -- make me feel bad. do your worst.

2003-07-12T10:21:00.000-04:00

STUFF

i stole this from amy's comment on jen's site.

i'll try to fix the site when i can. find something else to do. i'm heading out to starbucks, and other fun saturday stuff with billy. sucks to be you.

2003-07-11T12:35:00.000-04:00

GET READY!

i stole this idea from lucy. you can't be too prepared, you know.

happy birthday tomorrow, lucy!!

2003-07-05T21:45:00.000-04:00

NOT-A-SHOWER

below are a couple quick pictures from the "not-a-shower" today. really just a couple close friends over for lunch (they just happened to bring presents for mat and mel). i'm exhausted. fried way too much chicken, made (kt and mark decorated it!) the biggest freakin' cake ever. well, probably not ever. but way, way too much of everything. we'll be eating "not-a-shower" food for a while. i could never do these things without bill and the boys. they worked their asses off! and kt. i wanna adopt her. she is the bomb! i'm not kidding. she had eye surgery just 10 days ago and was an incredible help. pj and michael came over early in the day to help, too. nobody takes over like pj -- just tell her what you need, give her ingredients, and she's off! i always bite off way more than i can chew with these things, and everybody else pays the price.

the weather was pretty hot here today -- not unbearably hot -- and there was relief inside with the air-conditioning. the freakin' air went out yesterday afternoon! we spent a hot night (ok, ok. i was the only one who complained) and this morning i called the a/c company i always use. they told me no service unless i had a service contract or was elderly. i'm not THAT old so i asked how i get on a contract. call back monday morning! so we called the closest a/c company we found on line and left a message. i was only gonna call ONE company. i figured if they called me back, great; if not, we'd have to suffer through it -- we didn't have the time to waste trying to get someone here. in 10 minutes, the guy called. he was here within an hour and a half, fixed it in 15 minutes, and only charged $130! we were thrilled! weekend service, quick, friendly, efficient, and it didn't cost bill's left nut. yay! we were sweating it -- figuratively and literally -- we knew the problem was with the 17-year-old compressor. no problem. couple of big fuses. phew.

so now we're relaxing. matt, mel, mark, and kt playing scrabble, bill blogging (duh!), jax out with buddies, and i'm gonna post these pics and try to talk bill into getting off-line and heading up to a more relaxing place. mark, kt, and mel are leaving early in the morning. matt will be home (won't be calling it home for long -- sniff) until wednesday. i'm gonna try to take off some time until he heads back.

p.s. bill's guest blogging at -d's.

our friends dr. and mrs. "cyborg" with billy (bill's in the middle).

the crazy casada cake

mark and the fabulous kt

isn't this a great picture of matt and mel? and scout?

scout LOVES mel.

2003-07-04T12:22:00.000-04:00

NOTICE

bill's site is not working. he's not handling it well, so i'm going to allow him to post on this "horror show called a blog." until he can post on his own site. and i'm busy working on the "shower" that we're hosting tomorrow. after tomorrow, i'm sure i'll have time and material to post. betrothed pictures, guests, food, and dogs. stay tuned.

2003-07-02T14:33:00.000-04:00

Alcohol

Stacey, the person who runs this horror show called a blog, and I have this kid who is a recovering drug addict, who stole a lot of money from us and betrayed our trust, and caused some undue stress in the house. He went through intensive out-patient treatment, which helped as much as France helped the U.S. in Iraq, and then spent some time out west in Utah, near Loa, where the nearest Wal-Mart is like 120 miles away, shitting in holes he dug and wiping his ass with juniper bark while evaluating his condition and what he wanted out of life. I'm thinking more people ought to do that -- not just addicts like Jack -- instead of seeing shrinks who charge $120 an hour to say, "Uh-huh, what do you think?" I would have benefitted from the program, I think, instead of being hopped up on legal drugs -- mother-fucking doctors.

Enough of that -- I'm being her guest, and a bad guest at that, what with all the colorful, fucking metaphors.

I am reminded of the stuff above because I was late to court today and one of the guys I had to deal with was a dumbass kid.

The judge assigned me the case. I met the kid today -- and when I say kid, I mean he's 18, in high school, and looks like he's 12. He is charged with underage consumption of alcohol, since the drinking age is 21.

He was late for school one day. He stayed over a friend's house and came to school with the friend, also 18. They had been up until 3, drinking beers. My client measured .19 on a breath test. He also had a 20-ounce can of Pabst in his backpack. Well, understand this -- this is all allegedly. Like it didn't happen in legal talk. You know how it is. You can't assume that any of this is true. No. No way. None of it is true. Yet.

So, I hypothetically ask him if he allegedly thinks that he has an imaginary problem with alcohol or drugs. Allegedly.

And he allegedly said to his alleged lawyer, "I don't know. Not really."

See, he said "not really," meaning what? That it was imaginary?

I said, hypothetically, that if he allegedly didn't know, then allegedly he does have an alleged substance abuse problem and he should go to the alleged drug abuse treatment center and get an alleged substance abuse assessment.

He is allegedly going to do that.

And get some alleged help for his "not really" problem.

2003-07-02T09:03:00.000-04:00

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH

beagle scout had her first puppy preschool class saturday, and the socializing with the other puppies has brought some unexpected results. it seems she learned from somepuppy what the fuck dew claws are. seems they are the PERFECT weapon to use on me when i'm trying to stop the puppy biting. we (the humans) were taught to hold the puppy's mouth closed from behind with the palm of our hands underneath the puppy face, fingers wrapped up and over the snout. gently, but firmly. saying no calmly until the puppy stops fighting and relaxes, trusting you and accepting your authority. scout just doesn't get it. i properly grab her (yes i do!), but she does not calm down. oh, i don't know. maybe i'm just not patient enough, and maybe i need to be clawed for several HOURS before she yields to my authority.

last night, i received several deep and painful wounds. and this tiny puppy has sharp claws -- like a fucking cat! [cats scare the shit out of me for this exact reason. that and their emotional disconnect.] and she's making noises like a trapped raccoon! have you ever HEARD a trapped raccoon? oh my god. the sounds and the clawing.

i think we (bill, scout, and i) are being over educated. i've raised dogs before. all without puppy preschool. i don't need her learning this stuff from the other puppies. i may go back to the old method. firm tap -- not a smack -- on the snout, with a "NO!" worked before. damned yuppy puppies.

-------------

don't you love the line in the previews to that new movie (i can't remember the name -- sue me) where sally field says "never underestimate the power of a woman with a harvard law degree and a french manicure?" do you think to yourself -- as i do, "oh my god! that's stacey!" i've never heard a line that so PERFECTLY captured the essence of me, ever.

except for the harvard law degree thing. i don't have a harvard law degree. or any law degree. or even a college degree. but i DO have a couple years of engineering school under my belt, thank you very much. AND. my husband does have a law degree. not from harvard, though. and i PAID FOR IT!

and, except for the french manicure thing. BUT. i HAVE HAD french manicures. and i will probably have one again! in fact, i tried to make an appointment just yesterday! she was too busy to work me in this week, but i'll call her again next week, and then we'll see.

eerie, isn't it?

2003-06-30T15:08:00.000-04:00

POST #3

statement added 07/01/03: i decided to try this out this morning because my hits didn't seem to be going up, and i was worried something was wrong with my site meter. i came up #54! so i looked back at my site meter info. it was a netscape search. so i tried that. #54. curious. seems netscape is powered by google. BUT. if you search for "stacey amish groundhog problems," guess what comes up #1? that's right! me!

the hits are bound to increase cuz i just found out that i'm #10 in a google search for "amish, groundhogs, problems." if you have difficulty accessing the site because of the increased traffic, please e-mail me directly; and i'll have my network administrator work on it. and if i'm too busy to reply personally to your e-mail, please understand that the increased traffic and ensuing popularity has necessitated the hiring of a p-r firm, who, i assume, will answer all e-mails and telegrams and reply with a facsimile of my autograph on a photograph of a person who may or may not be me. stalkers, you know.

2003-06-30T13:35:00.000-04:00

POST #2

The short list >> reasons to be happy to be alive today (i stole this from kathy who stole it from -d):

1. bill

2. my birthday's in 23 days!

3. bill -- i know i said that already. too bad. i'm just all sappy lately. come back in a week.

4. all of us (b, s1, m1, m2, j, s2, and s3) are happy and healthy. all at one time! knock wood!

5. all of us at home this coming weekend (AND don and lee). do you think i can fit matt, mel, mark, kt, AND jax in jax's room?

6. scout's had 4 "accident"-free days in a row!

7. the sun's out again -- beautiful day!

8. wedding is in less than SIX WEEKS!

9. my dress was shipped (catalog order) saturday!

10. and starbuck's mocha's (only three pumps chocolate, please).

What's on your short list?

2003-06-30T13:07:00.000-04:00

MEN

i’ve sent you to this guy’s site before. it’s definitely one of the best i’ve found. dan’s smart, funny, compassionate, sensitive, and very sexy. i say that openly here cuz he reminds me so much of billy (“will” to me). read him today. his story reminded me of a trip to the old cleveland municipal stadium i took with bill and one of my sisters. i feel like i may have blogged this before. deja vu.

game’s over. bill, sis, and i fighting the crowds and cars trying to escape the downtown area. bill’s carrying a blanket and a thermos. we’re in a long ant-like line of pedestrians making their way to the farthest stadium lot. a line of car traffic intersects our pedestrian line, the pedestrians yielding and crossing between cars as the cars inch forward. two young black kids (maybe 12 year’s old) in front of us make their way across in between cars. a really tall, completely shit-faced low- life, 20-something guy jams his car into park and jumps out of the car that the kids crossed in front of. [there’s that damned preposition again – i’m not changing it.] he starts yelling obscenities and threats to the two boys. a real big guy. he’s gonna be a tough guy with these two kids. low-life piece of trash.

i’m the first to react. i think (and this is a BAD, DUMB thing) that when i’m pissed, i fear nothing. the hulk in a 5’3” woman. this guy’s about 6’4”. i am right up (i would say in his face, but that wouldn’t be accurate) in his CHEST, (but i’m LOOKING at his face) screaming at him about what a biiiig man he is, what a fucking low-life he is. he picks up his arm slightly, balls his fist, and lightly (whatever) lets it fall into my nose. i am SHOCKED. and a little dazed. bill and joy don’t see the “punch” from their angle. the guy really didn’t move much. i stand aside and say to joy, “he punched me in the nose!” i still cannot believe that he would do this to me. see what i mean? i think i’m invulnerable! but she hears me and (as we all four of us crazy sisters are wont to do) goes crazy! tasmanian devil. bill grabs her sleeve, tells her to knock it off. tall guy then goes back after the boys, and bill (still holding onto all this stuff) grabs the guy’s arm and gracefully throws him on his back on the ground and tells him to get in his car and get out of here. the guy scrambles to his feet, starts yelling and challenging bill, but won’t come within 10 feet of him. bill says again to him to get out of here. and he does.

moral of the story: i always thought it was my mouth people feared. but it was just the big guy standing right behind me protectively.

2003-06-27T13:48:00.000-04:00

I CAN PO-OST, I CAN PO-OST, NYAH, NYAH, NYAH, NYAH, NYAH

thanks, charlene, for the link. this is what my birthdate says about me:

Pleasant shape pfffft
tasteful clothes sometimes
modest demands depends
tends to not forgive mistakes if you want to be forgiven, sure, but i have a loooong memory
cheerful sometimes
likes to lead but not to obey sometimes
honest and faithful partner yes
tends to a know-all-attitude and making decisions for others yes
noble-minded yes
generous i think so
good sense of humor i think so
practical depends

why do i do these? there should be an answer to that. talk amongst yourselves.

2003-06-25T12:21:00.000-04:00

ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO LINE THE DOG CRATE WITH

i HATE ending that up there with a preposition, but i did it anyway. what do i look like -- a journalist?

i’m not going to talk about the facts of the case. for several reasons. 1) billy’s talked about what he feels it’s appropriate to share. 2) i don’t know all the facts, nor do i care to. the facts. hmmm. the reporter PRETENDED to care about the facts when she called billy (i was in the car when he took the call) because she had obtained a copy of the court transcript. i DO know what i heard billy tell the reporter, and it wasn’t what THE PLAIN DEALER reported that billy said. i CAN tell you that.

i’ve been saying this for a couple weeks now. i’m gonna say it again. you read the newspapers everyday (a habit i started when i was a 7th grader) because i THOUGHT it would make me an informed person. it’s a habit i’ve tried to “give” to jackson (i get to make him do whatever reading i want because i homeschool). pfffft. i learned a while ago (the last time billy’s name was in the paper) that i wasn’t being informed – the intent was to entertain.

so not only did she (the “reporter”) lie about what bill said, but she must not have bothered to read the court transcript – which said EXACTLY what he said.

so there it is out there, folks. complete bullshit. but it’s in print. and plenty of people believe it. i probably would, too, if i hadn’t learned not to. evidently, the state supreme court thinks it’s important enough to “investigate.” so now, bill has to write a letter explaining that he did NOT lie to the court, ask the judge to write a letter, and attach the transcript to PROVE he did not lie.

i guess only lawyers have to have ethics. snort all you want at that statement. it's MY story, and i'm talking about MY lawyer.

2003-06-23T21:27:00.000-04:00

OOOOOHHHHH

so i found some tylenol with codeine and took two last night at bedtime. slept like a log. so when i get up this morning, the pills are calling to me. take two on an empty stomach. it's a damn good thing billy needed my car today and drove me to work, because by the time we hit north olmsted, i'm a sleepy, buzzing mess. i'm slurring my words, can't keep my eyes open. THIS is not going to work, billy, take me home. i call my boss, tell her i'm in no shape to work, head home to sleep it off.

i'm on one couch with beagle scout, sheba's on the other couch, bill's in the family room. i am barely conscious. everytime i start to drift off to sleep, i make a tiny little sound in my throat. and wake myself up. some people would call that sweet, delicate little sigh of contentment a "snore," but some people would be wrong. duh. at one point, bill coughs in the family room, and i think the cabinet over the sink has fallen out of the ceiling. it is that loud. cretin.

finally i fall asleep (or pass out -- i'm not sure which) for several hours. i wake up not exactly refreshed, but the bubbling that i feel inside the top of my head has subsided a little -- a very tiny little -- bit. and the pain from my broken rib(s) has not eased ONE IOTA.

bill needs to drive to sandusky, i'll go with him. i have no idea how long he was inside city hall meeting with various people because i -- again -- pass out (fall asleep?). i wake up when bill knocks on the car window. my mouth is wide open. i'm drooling. a little less top-of-the-head bubbling. it's now over 8 hours since i took these pills. wtf?

i finally realize i'm feeling mostly normal 10 freaking hours after i took the pills. except for the ache in my ribs. i take three ibuprofen. magic.

2003-06-20T19:05:00.000-04:00

OWWWWW

i was in the office alone all day today, so bill came up to keep me company for a while. mark came up a little later, and we three had lunch together. before mark got there, bill and i were horsing around (good, clean, immature fun). i pulled his arms over my shoulders (he was behind me), bent over and hoisted his feet off the ground. "my turn!" he says. but i'm a good 10 inches shorter than him, so my arms won't go over his shoulders to the front unless he crouches. he stands up, my feet leave the ground at the same time a rib on my left side makes contact with his shoulder blade. too high. thwonkkkk i feel in my rib.

i think i have a broken rib. we should know better. we stoopid.

2003-06-20T16:10:00.000-04:00

I MUST BE AN ENIGMA

cuz this one's not working for me either. i'm looking for magic here, and i don't think i'm gonna find it. at least not in a quiz. thanks to veggiemama for this link.

nothing but love
Magic Number	17
Job	Criminal
Personality	Slacker
Temperament	Sweet Natured
Sexual	If I Have To
Likely To Win	Nothing
Me - In A Word	Genius
Colour
Brought to you by MemeJack

2003-06-20T10:53:00.000-04:00

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

i absolutely CANNOT believe that this picture of my puppy elicited only TWO comments! you can do better than that! talk to me people. i know i'm not the popular site like other people have, but come onnnnn. a puppy with glasses? how can you resist? the site's called "nothing but love." gimme some.

2003-06-19T13:30:00.000-04:00

THINKING ABOUT

last night while bill and i were outside on the front steps letting the dogs take care of doggy business, we were talking about "things." it seems to me, i said to bill, that the past 9 years have been pretty tough. it's always so much easier to look at stuff when it's behind you. your emotional responses "in the moment" make it impossible to see clearly what's happened.

the day before my fortieth birthday (july 22, 1994), bill and i were told that i had m.s. the diagnosis came very quickly on the heels of my first symptoms. we (all of us) were eating at friday's on a sunday earlier in the month when i dipped my head to look out over my glasses at one of the boys (i think it was a way to look like i was saying something serious), and i saw two of everything. the double vision was only evident when i dipped my head. i said, "what the heck?" dipping my head up and down. none of us were alarmed (at least i wasn't), but i called our good friend and optometrist, dr. "cyborg" (as the boys always called him) to have him take a look. i knew that there were several temporary and non-serious conditions that could cause this, and knew dr. c. could figure it out.

he couldn't and made an appointment for me for the next thursday with an opthamologist friend of his. still, i wasn't worried. bill was going to be in trial that week in toledo, and i told him not to worry. i was so not worried i brought both the boys (8 and 12) with me to the appointment. i felt sure he'd diagnose some sort of temporary cranial nerve paralysis. end of story. but after a thorough examination, he told me i needed to have an mri and see a neurologist right away and made an appointment for me while i waited and talked to the boys as normal as possible in the waiting room. the mri was scheduled for the next day, and the neurologist instructed me to wait for the mri films and bring them to his office as soon as i got them. as soon as we got out to the car, i burst into tears. i was now scared. and because i was scared, i scared the boys, too. i think i paged bill, seemed like he called me back immediately. he talked to the judge on the case he was trying, and the judge called a recess in the trial until the following monday, and bill was on his way home.

friday, july 22, 1994. bill and i picked up a xanex prescription for me on the way to the mri as i hate enclosed spaces. i took one, waited to feel something. nothing (i thought). took another one. nothing (ithought). i wound up taking 4 (!) before we reached the hospital (good thing it wasn't a longer drive!). closed-bay mri's are not fun in general, but an mri of your head is something altogether different. your head is actually immobilized in a CAGE. i'm so glad i took 4 of the pills, i felt no anxiety before i fell into a sudden, deep sleep.

we finished up and waited for the films and then proceeded to the neurologist. the mri films showed a clear lesion in the brain stem. dr. d. examined me and detected weaknesses and weirdnesses i hadn't noticed. m.s. most likely. BUT -- and this was worse to us -- he couldn't be sure it wasn't a tumor because there was only one lesion. with m.s., there are usually more lesions visible. have another mri in two months, and see me afterwards. if it's a tumor, there's nothing we can do -- can't operate in the brain stem. shit. i'm voting m.s.

over the next year, i had three more mri's, a spinal tap, had very few full nights of sleep (i became very adept at nocturnal solitaire), became severely depressed, deteriorated physically in very subtle ways (things that STILL only bill and i can see), and continued (as best as i could) to run this little household. i had LOTS of support: bill and the boys, sisters, friends, doctors. people RARELY asked bill and the boys how THEY were doing. they probably would have felt guilty for having been asked, knowing them. a double whammy. prozak helped me tremendously. in the end, there was still only the ONE lesion which had not changed (thus, not a tumor), and because there were no more lesions, the doctors called it an ms-LIKE illness. however, because the lesion had not "resolved" or healed during that time, the damage i sustained was permanent.

so i'm different. i walk with a cane for balance, my left hand is stupid, and sticks out funny when i walk (i think for balance), the double vision must be corrected with a prism in the lens of my glasses, and i need to get PLENTY of rest. there are other little (or invisible) things. i "hit the wall," as i call it, just once in a while and head to bed pretty much right away when i get home from work. but this happens maybe a couple times a month. so really, this is no big deal. except that i AM different. and that might have been tougher for bill and the boys than it was for me. i still feel like ME, and that's 99% of me that i experience. i'm not experiencing me from outside myself. they SEE me. and i think it's been tough for them.

as i said, the slam of depression i experienced was taken care of pretty well by prozak and time. time it took getting used to who i am now. once in a while i'm caught off-guard trying to do something, handle something, step somewhere in the "old" way (the way i did for 40 years). and that's frustrating. but i'm great now.

then: matthew fought his own demons for a couple years with this. i won't speak for him on this. i don't think he'd appreciate it. he's great now.

then: jackson imploded. he (and bill and i) talks a lot about his own struggles. i have no doubt that THIS is where his fight began. he's great now.

the last 5 years or so have been EXTREMELY difficult for bill: me, his dad, his mom, fighting for the boys. the last couple of months have been interesting, to say the least. but he's great now.

through it ALL, we've all loved each other like crazy, fought like hell with and for each other and PERSEVERED.

so here's my message to my family: we're done, right? no more implosions? at least not BIG ones? kay? but know that i'm always going to be here for you guys as long as i'm alive, i'm fighting. i KNOW that life brings struggles, but it's getting past them and through them that matters. that's what family means to me. and that's what i'm gonna do. kay?

for crying out loud, i'm sappy. sorry. just felt i needed to say it.

2003-06-18T18:39:00.000-04:00

TO-DO LIST FOR SHOWER

paint decks
repair pool bricks
paint fence
plan menu
mulch beds
paint bathroom
new bathroom mirror
futon in guy’s room for don and lee
finish “bob”??
new deck umbrella

2003-06-18T13:06:00.000-04:00

BILLY'S THE BOMB!

wow! yay! comments! or at least a place to LEAVE comments. gimme some love here, people. there are puppy pics, dirty jokes, and other stuff that require comments. in this respect, i AM high maintenance, i guess. just kind of missed you all. we MAY have to do as the matthew recommends and move the blogs to mt.

2003-06-18T12:32:00.000-04:00

but you have fucking comments now!!!! -- bill

2003-06-18T12:31:00.000-04:00

i fucked up the site -- bill

2003-06-18T10:38:00.000-04:00

PERFECTION EXCEPT FOR THE ASTIGMATISM

2003-06-18T10:37:00.000-04:00

GO HERE

2003-06-17T11:16:00.000-04:00

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON HERE

1. i have no comments server, and i'm starting to feel lonely.

2. i could not upload a picture yesterday.

3. i've got a weird "blogger basic" screen for posting.

4. could be more, i'll see when i try to post this.

2003-06-16T19:21:00.000-04:00

NOTES FROM MY DESKTOP POST-IT NOTES -- ???

POST-IT NOTE #1:

TOWNSHEND LYRICS: MISUNDERSTOOD

Just wanna be misunderstood
Wanna be feared in my neighborhood
Just wanna be a moody man
Say things that nobody can understand

I wanna be obscure and oblique
Inscrutable and vague
So hard to pin down
I wanna leave open mouths when I speak
Want people to cry when I put them down

POST-IT NOTE #2:

dvnc
pc anywhere
lap link

Sui generis - adj. [literally, of its own kind] constituting a class alone: unique, peculiar.

In medias res - adv. [literally, into the midst of things] in or into the middle of a narrative or plot.

anybody?

2003-06-15T11:56:00.000-04:00

I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN IT THAT WAY!

one day last week, my boss's boss was in the office for business. i mean, he's the big boss. there are some higher, i know, but he's up there. so, my boss, her boss (the big one) and i are in the kitchen doing coffee "stuff." big boss is talking to my boss about upcoming meeting this next week, and he says, "there's gonna be a lot of legal stuff rammed down our throats." i say, in all innocence I SWEAR TO GOD, "welcome to my world."

i realize what i just said, turn bright red (i could feel it), hope nobody else heard it THAT way, and walk immediately out of the room. shit.

2003-06-13T15:23:00.000-04:00

WOULD I LIE TO YOU?

i just wrote this loooong, funny, brilliant post on the new blogger that i "posted" (i guess posting means something different than it used to), and it disappeared.

just pretend you read it: laugh, cry, and pretend link to it. it was about sex, kids, emotional "torture" of children, and (DUH!) starbucks. AND comment, please: i LOVE your feedback!

2003-06-12T11:27:00.000-04:00

HMMMM. YES? OR NO. HMMMMM.

i think i've been proposed to.

i think yes.

2003-06-09T15:33:00.000-04:00

A NOT-SO-GOOD THING

billy and i had the nicest weekend (sometimes the jackal was around).

on saturday we drove down to don and lee’s place where bill helped don tear off his old front porch and frame out a new one. the guys (bill, don, and don and lee's son, rusty) worked their asses off to get the job done; and i, having one of my “hit-the-wall” days sat inside and read, dozed, and was pampered by lee.

at about 4 p.m., rusty came into the room where i was dozing (pretending to be reading), went to the closet, pulled out a rifle, turned to me and said, “we’re taking a break – we’re gonna go kill something.” that might have been alarming to a more citified gal, but i’d spent enough time with these guys to know that rusty meant they were gonna go try to get a groundhog (or HOGGG as bill says in a loud, gravelly, i’m-a-bad-ass voice to me when he recounts his country adventures). farmers HATE groundhogs, you see. seems one groundhog can cost a farmer somewhere around $3,000 a year in destroyed crops. i think i have that right. so the bureau of wildlife (?) asks local farmers to kill these pests and pays them to do it. donny and rusty (and bill), however, don’t do it for profit. for them, it’s philanthropy. snort. couldn’t say that with a straight face.

the upshot of all this shootin’ and huntin’ is that you can’t drive for any distance with bill anymore without him spotting a "HOGGGG!!" annoying as hell.

on the way back up “to home” (as lee says), we spied an amish woman selling her baskets, and we picked up a really pretty “sewing” basket. the lady, seeing that i walk with a cane, asked if she could help me by carrying the basket to the car (bill had stayed in the car). i told her “no, thanks anyway, but i have a system,” and she said, “well, you walk better than my mother.” dear god, i hope she didn’t think i was old enough to be her mother. she was a very sweet looking, roundish, apple-cheeked “mom” type, accompanied by her son, whom i estimated to be around 12 or so. but when she opened her mouth to smile at me, she had no front teeth.

sunday was our 29th wedding anniversary (which i thought was a pretty good thing until i heard morley safer interviewing martha stewart on “60 minutes” and reporting that she was divorced from her husband after 29 years). i’m no martha stewart (and i don’t mean that in the usual sense), but that freaked me out. cripe.

before the “60 minutes” report, i’d been having a really nice day. out to lunch with the jackal and bill, local strawberry shopping (i will not even argue this with you: there are no better strawbs on earth than ohio grown), a trip to bath and body works for treats, golf-galaxy for new shoes and golf balls, and starbucks (duh!).

i recovered (mostly) from my bout of paranoia, and bill and i set to (don’t i sound like a country girl?) cleaning and cutting up strawbs, setting aside the ones with decent stems still attached. we dipped those in chocolate, went out for another mocha, during which time sheba dog had an attack of something yucky. this is not a dog who soils her home. ever. if she can help it. she wound up being uncomfortable most of the night, whimpering by the side of the bed anytime she needed to get out quick. which was a lot.

so that my children’s eyeballs don’t spontaneously erupt into flames, i’ll stop with the day there.

i love this crazy life.

2003-06-06T11:26:00.000-04:00

"ACCESS DENIED"

i can't access mel and matt's blog anymore from work! last time i checked, mel posted about banana bread! what the heck?

2003-06-05T11:24:00.000-04:00

SUIT YOURSELF

an e-mail exchange

From: Lang, Stacey
To: 'bill'

WHAT'S YOUR SCHEDULE TODAY?

Stace

***********
From: Bill
To: Stace

10 -- nap
11:30 -- starbuck's
12 -- lunch
1:30 -- nap
3 -- meeting with client that I will cancel -- starbuck's instead
4 – another meeting
5 -- pick u up
5:30 – guess what? another mtg
8-- starbucks
9 -- mtg. w/ new client that will take 15 min. and then I will
tell her to fuck off
10 -- nice & rough

bill

**********
From: Lang, Stacey
To: 'bill'

my god -- you are hilarious. this is a blog entry.

Stace

**********
From: Bill
To: Stace

Go ahead

From: Lang, Stacey
To: 'bill'
Subject: REMIND ME – AGAIN

really?

Stace

***********
From: Bill
To: Stace

Yes, why not -- except that "nice and rough" thing -- that's what
you're laughing at you slut

bill

**********
From: Lang, Stacey
To: 'bill'
Subject: REMIND ME - AGAIN

i'm keeping that in!

Stace

**********
From: Bill
To: Stace
Subject: FW: REMIND ME – AGAIN

Suit yourself
Bill

**********
From: Lang, Stacey
To: 'bill'
Subject: REMIND ME - AGAIN

that’s my motto.

Stace

2003-06-05T10:45:00.000-04:00

LIFE OR SOMETHING LIKE IT

a version of this was posted previously. i took it down, spent a lot more time thinking, and did some editing. thanks, charlene, for the hugs.
a few people know that bill's been going through a pretty bad time since his dad died in october -- actually, for at least the year before, as we knew dad was "going." that "event" really forced bill to have to deal with the depression. he knew he had to. he started with a new counselor a couple weeks ago, and decided he was REALLY going to open himself up wide. right away things started happening for him. it was very tough. so his doctor suggested adding another medication to the mix to help him through the tough time ahead. bill had tried this particular med for a very short time a couple of years ago; but he started feeling pretty "weird" immediately from it, so doctor said "STOP!" why we weren't more on guard for a reaction this time, i can't figure out. blinders, i guess. anyway, here's the e-mail i sent to my guys the other day to explain (just to save me some typing):

last week was very scary. ask jax. it was toughest on him. dr. h had added in a different med (along with the other) cuz he was really cranking along with g (therapist) and doing a lot of hard work on tough stuff. the combination of meds worried me when dad told me about it. within a week, your dad was starting to act different. by early last week, he was crazy. really. suicidal. scared. paranoid. thank god for your stabilizing presences -- i saw him pull himself together time after time and touch down to earth with you guys. wednesday through saturday morning were the worst days of our lives -- but that (wednesday) was also when dad had an idea of what was happening and stopped the meds. within 24 hours, he started to feel better. within a couple days, he was dad again. he feels soooo much better than he's felt in a looong time. matt, your presence last weekend was life-saving. really. i know you guys were sensing something. jax for sure saw it. before we figured it all out, i had no idea what would happen.

the meds: he had taken this other drug once before and had a less severe bad reaction -- nothing like this. when he had taken it before, dr. h said to stop it right away when he saw it was fucking him up. so dad knew he could just stop that drug (you can do that with the other med also) cold turkey.
some of you in blogdom knew bill was depressed -- even knew that it was bad -- but no-one knew just how bad it was. no-one. i knew he was not bill. i was scared shitless. every conversation went someplace crazy.

he's bill again. is freaked out when he thinks about what was going on in his head. i am so thankful. to god. to a fellow blogger (who talked to him quite a bit -- he was able to share a small piece of what was going on. believe me, it was only a small piece. it was that bad for him.) to the kids and other friends -- and work (!) -- for whom he grounded himself -- even if it was only for a little while. there are even a couple days there that bill cannot remember at all! holy shit, i cannot BELIEVE where we were and where we are now.

we celebrate our 29th anniversary sunday. i've been given an early anniversary gift. the best one ever. not just bill. but i've learned so much about myself. and our marriage. and not taking things for granted. and trust. trust in the deepest sense -- trusting your partner with your heart by sharing all of yourself. happy anniversary, will. i adore you. and cherish you.

2003-05-30T17:50:00.000-04:00

i'm not going to be doing this too much anymore. i will when i feel up to it. things are just too tough right now; and, believe it or not, i'm really not the kind of person who REALLY opens up. i've felt a lot of love here, and i'm sure i'll be looking in on you guys often, but it's just too hard, too painful, to try to write from "behind the curtain." hugs.

2003-05-23T18:19:00.000-04:00

INTRODUCING: MISS BEAGLE "SCOUT" LANG

2003-05-23T12:27:00.000-04:00

LANGWORLD

dammit! this is the second time i'm writing this. shut up. i know, i know: clipboard. shut up.

matty got home from cancun last night (back to pennsylvania) and hasn't been off the toilet since. so his and mel's visit home (here) has to be delayed until next weekend. bummer. we went shopping last night for lots of fresh fruit and other good stuff for weekend meals, so we'll freeze what we can, and pig out on the rest. i cannot believe how good the produce looks at our brand new costco. i don't know if it's always this good or if costco is just trying to get the people into the new store.

next weekend they'll be in town to pick out the tuxes for the wedding (!) and register at the sears home store for our july 5 shower. it's going to be a coed tool "stuff" shower, and sears has the widest selection and a registry. home depot doesn't (WHY NOT???) have a bridal registry. i thought they did, but i was wrong. lowe's doesn't either. we're gonna have a barbecue. showers are NEVER as much fun for the guests as the hosts, so ANY suggestions on how to make this less painful would be greatly appreciated.

i'm taking off an extra day on tuesday to draw this weekend out for me. i've been feeling pretty burned out here at work and trying to get rid of that by all of these long weekends. any ideas on how to help me with THAT? anyway, i think the weekend will be pretty much dedicated to napping, relaxing, eating, catching a couple of movies, and recharging of batteries. oh, and ...

miss beagle "scout" lang will be making her debut on this site sometime this weekend. bill's picking her up this afternoon. sheba's feeling pretty lonely, she's not used to being an "only dog." i don't want her to be jealous, though, so not too much attention for the puppy, please. i think i'll make her an "I'M THE BIG SISTER!" t-shirt.

i know, i know. she's a dog.

2003-05-22T14:37:00.000-04:00

TODAY

life sucks.

2003-05-21T12:56:00.000-04:00

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN WELL?????

read this this morning on the "hazing" kids.

but what REALLY kills me is this quote from that article: Attorneys for some of the students appealing suspensions, including Holz's attorney, Larry Kaplan, said they would reject the offer. Kaplan said his client is suing for reinstatement and would not sign the deal "as a matter of principle."

A MATTER OF PRINCIPLE????? you'd be better serving your client, counselor, if you had her write an essay on the meaning of that word -- principle.

the term "ambulance chaser" is kinda cute, given what YOU'RE doing, buddy.

oh. and you parents? 10,000 words on consequences, parenting, integrity, AND principles. you missed a BIG ONE here.

2003-05-21T11:59:00.000-04:00

I AM THIS CLOSE

this morning after i sent a fax to some guy in our corporate office, he e-mailed me to send the fax to somebody else who was now in charge of that. same department, same fax number. i quickly wrote back, "can you please HAND IT TO HER???!!!"

thank goodness he wrote back quickly saying he gave it to her cuz i had already started typing another e-mail to him, "if, after you have handed the fax to her, you feel you need a nap, you have my permission."

DENIED.

2003-05-20T19:52:00.000-04:00

INDULGE ME, OKAY?

2003-05-19T18:07:00.000-04:00

TWO FAMILIES

bill and i got engaged the summer right after my high-school graduation and his freshman year in college. we were YOUNG.

before we got engaged, i thought his family liked me. except for his one sister (S) who i had known quite well through junior high and high school. it seemed she wasn’t thrilled with me.

my “step-father” person (i will call him joe from now on if i feel it’s necessary to refer to him) believed it was a waste of time for a female to go to college. my godfather had always let it be known that he wanted to pay for my college education; but when he offered again, joe (doh!) told him that if anybody was going to do this (which obviously, joe – doh! – WASN’T), nobody would. i was not consulted. men’s business. i needed to learn some kind of skill as i went through high school in the college prep / honors track, meaning i was prepared for nothing (except further education). my older sister was a barber – i wanted nothing to do with that; so i decided to attend (as if it was MY decision) secretarial / business school.

when we told bill’s parents we were engaged and planning to marry before bill’s senior year in college, bill’s dad walked out of the room without saying a word and would not return (i assume he returned sometime after bill took me home because i saw him in the living room on other days). i went home and cried. and cried. i’m crying now at the memory. see my post before “chicken nuggets.”

i know bill’s dad worried that bill would not be able to finish his education (being married and all, you know); in fact, not only did he finish his undergraduate degree, but he went on to law school – ALL THE WHILE, being supported by moi. we paid all the tuition loans ourselves also.

bill’s mom and i became quite close in those years, i thought. bill’s sisters were ALWAYS aloof and superior. bill’s relationship with them naturally suffered.

i wanted to be close to bill’s parents, as mine were nothing to write home about. i tried not to let the sisters (S and s) bother me – i have three sisters whom i adore (no void in that department). from very early on, bill and i spent as much time with hid parents as possible. i can probably count on one hand when we missed a week not having them over for dinner. bill’s dad loved my cooking, especially my chicken paprikash and navy bean soup. i tried to cook his favorites as much as possible. over the years, especially during our boys’ early years, we became closer. except for when the sisters were in town. it became increasingly difficult for me to pretend warmth. they were ALWAYS polite; S, in particular, however, clearly had difficulty in allowing me to be a part of the family. it wasn’t just ME, though – it was also our children. i remember one time when before a trip home, she wrote bill a note requesting that they go out to dinner – just the 5 of them. bill was always hurt by these kinds of things. while they were in town (and it seemed for the month or two after they left), there was a chill in the air with mom and dad, too. it was my feeling that they didn’t want to seem disloyal to the sisters by appearing too close to me. i guess it didn’t matter that bill was hurt. he’d just have to handle it.

i will NEVER say that my behavior was exemplary. i had a very difficult time hiding my bitterness towards his sisters. but i was good to bill’s parents. always. it was ME who had bill set up our weekly dinners. it was ME who prompted bill to call his parents at least three or four times a week. it was ME who hired cleaning people for them – for an entire year! it was ME who suggested to bill that we needed to start supplementing their groceries, and for at least two years before they moved (unless one of his sisters was in town) rallied bill on a weekly basis to make a trip to sam’s for a restock. it was ME who had bill invite his parents to school events, hockey weekends, etc. i’m sure no one knows it was me who did most of this, but EVERYBODY knows who did the cooking! still, it never got any better with bill’s sisters. in retrospect (AND AS A PARENT MYSELF), i blame bill’s parents for not saying “ENOUGH!” to bill’s sisters. i’m sure bill’s sisters were never told of our involvement in mom and dad’s lives. through the years, we (the boys) had to take over all of their lawn care – 1 ½ hours travel time! bill at one time talked to the clerks in the two court systems where the majority of his case work is located and arranged that all hearings in those courts be scheduled at a later time in the day as he needed to get his father walking. his dad’s health deteriorated very quickly in the past 10 years. bill wanted them to meet him at a local mall every morning and walk with them. he was able to get his dad to walk with him ONCE. dad wouldn’t do it again. bill fought his dad tooth and nail about his health. about what to eat. about exercising. about the entire kitchen cupboard filled with pills. dad felt that he didn’t have to do ANYTHING to help himself. the pills would do it all. the pills did nothing. the doctor continued to prescribe and prescribe until the cupboard was filled.

increasingly, it became clear that something was going on with mom. her memory was going. quickly. bill talked to his dad. bill wrote his sisters. dad said, “what are you talking about? she’s fine.” bill sisters replied that, “sure, there are some normal cognitive deficits. nothing out of the ordinary.” he got nowhere. he tried to get them to let him know when they were going to the doctor so he could accompany them and express his concerns. but it was clear that dad (who knows what mom felt) did NOT want bill to go with them. bill would be told that there was an appointment the next day, he’d change his schedule all around, he’d call that evening, oh, it was today. or oh, we canceled it. or oh, it’s at a different time (when they KNEW he couldn’t make it.

bill’s dad died in october after having his foot cut off in august. bill’s mom’s memory problems have (finally) been diagnosed since s moved them to north carolina to live with her in december, 2001. she’s not good though. we know she’s happy, though, living with s.

again, i don’t think bill’s sisters had any idea of our involvement in mom and dad’s lives. i blame mom and dad for that. we’ve heard through the family grapevine that S, in fact, BLAMES bill for the deterioration of his parents’ health. that bill was so overwhelmed and involved in his own family life to notice what was happening with his parents. neither of bill’s sisters has married or had children. bill has a wife, two sons, and a semi-son. bill’s wife (me) was diagnosed with ms after a YEAR of uncertainty (the doctors were worried that it was an inoperable brain tumor during that YEAR). S has never even apparently noticed that i walk with a cane, and that my entire left side of my body is stupid. or perhaps she’s noticed, but can’t be bothered to acknowledge it. THAT was a tough year. during that YEAR, how much support were they for bill? the answer is NONE. bill’s youngest son – well you all know about jackson. we never told them about jackson – we heard lots of nasty comments about jackson that originated from bill’s family during the bad time; and none of us felt we could trust them with our hearts. bill himself was told he had his own heart attack two years ago. he told S. again never acknowledged. she also never noticed the 75 pound weight loss after the scare. so, perhaps, PERHAPS, bill HAS had some family stuff to deal with. but he also took care of his parents to the very best of his ability (AND with the support and involvement of his wife and sons). while you, S, lived out of town. and judged. but, as a matter of fact, you judged poorly, didn’t you? i remember bill calling you to tell you that SOMETHING had to be done, that mom and dad could not live alone any longer, that at the very LEAST they needed to move to the assisted living center two miles away from US, and you told bill HE WAS EXAGERATING. look in the mirror, S. and if you can’t do that – keep your damned mouth shut.

so here i am at the end of this story – and i want to say something that won’t make a lot of sense based on what i’ve written so far. here goes. i’ve learned that I CAN’T DO IT ALONE. if i could, i would. believe me. i would NEVER choose for my sons the pain bill’s had all these years. will ALWAYS have. MEET ME HALFWAY is all i’m asking.

2003-05-19T15:14:00.000-04:00

CHICKEN NUGGETS

as soon as any of my guys read this, they know what’s coming.

consequences. one of the hardest concepts to teach your kids. when my boys were very young, actually it was only matt at the time, i hit on this. when you go to macdonald’s and you order the chicken nuggets, you OBVIOUSLY have to pay for them. if you don’t have the money in your pocket, DON’T ORDER THEM. metaphor for misbehaving. you KNOW if you do such and such, THIS CONSEQUENCE will occur. you know it. if you don’t want the consequence, don’t do such and such. the consequence is the PRICE OF CHICKEN NUGGETS.

this concept has been shortened over the years to just plain “chicken nuggets.” the guys use this term as much as i do – just not in public.

that’s all i have to say: “chicken nuggets.”

2003-05-19T08:07:00.000-04:00

WTF???

i am CONSTANTLY on the verge or in the midst of a weeping attack. goddamned hormones. that's my story, and i'm sticking to it.

i'm NOT saying there's no stress going on here at nbl, i'm just saying i'm usually better at handling it. don't get me wrong, i -- probably more than most humans -- can tear up at a lot of things (a conversation, a commercial, etc.), i just don't usually sit around crying to myself. like i'm doing right now. wtf?

fuck it -- i'm gonna make some toast.

2003-05-17T23:11:00.000-04:00

BLESSINGS

life is good.

2003-05-14T19:44:00.000-04:00

READ BILLY'S BLOG FIRST

StaceyLng: read dad's blog and then prepare to KILL HIM.
buythemonkey: okay
buythemonkey: hahahahaha
StaceyLng: what????????????????
buythemonkey: he shocked himself
StaceyLng: kill him now.
buythemonkey: hahahahaha
StaceyLng: i will if you don't.
buythemonkey: i told him to wait for dave
StaceyLng: am i the only grownup in this house?
StaceyLng: kick his ass. he believes it is only me who thinks this is NUTS.
buythemonkey: it's funny
buythemonkey: what???????
StaceyLng: it's funny that he almost electrocuted himself?
buythemonkey: yes
StaceyLng: dear god -- it's too late. you've been infected.
buythemonkey: because he didn't electrocute himself
StaceyLng: dear god, i repeat ...

i am appealing for help from you all. please, please go kick his ass. do NOT encourage this kind of behavior.

2003-05-14T14:34:00.000-04:00

PASSWORDS AND UNSOLICITED ADVICE

charlene has had a couple of posts this week that got me ranting in her comments and thinking and remembering.

i never taught my kids about stranger danger. i didn’t have that luxury. for me – and for my kids – bad people could be friends or relatives. so when they went to school (and thus were out of my “control”), we had a password system. if ANYBODY showed up to pick them up, other than mom or dad, AND I MEAN ANYBODY (nana, papa, aunt pj, best friend’s mom or dad) it was only because i asked him or her to do it – and thus they would know the password. if he or she did not know the password, it meant bill or i did not ask, and do not go with him or her (even if it’s nana, papa ...). i made no exceptions to this, because i didn’t want the little guys to have to figure out if it was ok or not. it was easy. no password – no go. password – ok.

if you think about it, there are probably people in your lives that you trust with you, but not with your kids. don’t make your kids try to figure it out. if the rules extend to everybody, then they don’t even worry about it. if you make any exceptions, then they wonder why. not their problem or responsibility.

the other thing we did when the boys were little was to print out and laminate little business cards with all the phone numbers for them (and school teachers and administrators and babysitter) to hold on to so that we could be contacted at any time. bill and i both got cell phones to insure this. the card listed home phone, cell phone, office phone, bill’s pager, and nana’s phone number.

on matt’s 7th birthday, bill and i left him at home with the babysitter in the morning so we could run out and pick up a few last-minute birthday things. i remembered after we left that we forgot about his swimming lesson at the local pool. i called a neighbor friend whose son was also in the class and asked her if she could take matt. i explained the password system but couldn’t reach the babysitter at home as it was july and they were outside playing. marilyn walked over and said, “matt, your mom asked me to take you to swimming lessons this morning.” i had asked her not to volunteer the password until matt asked. matt said right off, “do you know the password?” marilyn: “jelly omelette.” matt then went with marilyn to the pool. marilyn was thrilled and called to tell me this when matt and her son started their lesson. she was not offended one bit.

one other note: my sister and i were taken out of school when we were 8 and 9 by our non-custodial FATHER and on a plane to florida within an hour of leaving the school. i didn’t see my mother for a year and a half.

i’m just sayin.

2003-05-14T11:43:00.000-04:00

NEW BABY IN THE FAMILY

the other day as bill and i were on our way home from our trip to don and lee’s, we passed a house that periodically has a sign outside for “beagle puppies for sale.” we’ve even tried to get a puppy from this old guy before – we saw the sign one week, mulled it over, the next week the sign was down. it was up again on sunday.

this time when we saw the sign, we knew we were ready for a puppy. sheba’s seeming a little depressed and all of a sudden a lot older since betsy’s gone. she is normally a really doofy, puppy-like 7-year-old. and since we were really pushing high-calorie dog food with the bets at the end, sheba’s weight has ballooned. time to get going finding a puppy.

so we stopped. the old guy who breeds the dogs rescues beagles and finds them homes. he had quite a few dogs kenneled at his house. there were two females and one male puppy still available from the litter. we picked out a sweet little dark female, and bill promptly named her “scout.” i said, “fine. scout’s her middle name though. beagle scout is her full name.” she’s only six and a half week’s old, though, so we don’t get her until next friday.

i’m a little nervous that sheba will be happy about this, too. she’s lost two sisters just this year. if you had been reading bill’s blog last year, you’ll remember that cocoa and sheba’s “relationship” was not good. cocoa was adopted from the local pound, but we found out too late that she had a very rare and extremely aggressive nature that appeared very sporadically. when i say dog fight, i’m talking the kind of dog fight where blood and fur are flying – halfway across the room! our vet’s trainer was obviously freaked out when she witnessed this. sheba had to fight to protect herself. cocoa was fighting to maim or kill. these were not typical dominance fights. it was heartbreaking all around. sheba is left with scars on her ears, and we are now wary about any kind of dominance issues for sheba and another dog. so we carefully questioned the breeder on the puppy’s parents. we were looking for pretty docile parents. the mother was clearly timid. i hope we haven’t gone too far the other way. we’ll see.

we are all excited, in spite of our concerns. onward. it’s the right thing, hopefully the right puppy. we all miss the big betsy so much – i’m hoping little scout will fill some of the emptiness for us AND sheba.

i’m sure you’ll be hearing a lot about our new puppy adventures. and pictures, too. wish us luck!

2003-05-13T16:18:00.000-04:00

KEEP YOUR DICTIONARY.COM OPEN

this guy used "antepenultimate" in a BLOG! umm. maybe that's NOT the best way to get you to check him out. he's smart, funny, sweet, bawdy. very, very cool.

2003-05-12T19:25:00.000-04:00

CLICK HERE

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful Stacey.
Let the Bill Begin.
At 29p a Matthew, It's Not a Stress on Your Pocket.
Do The Jackson.
If You Really Want To Know, Look In The Mark.

i don't know why these are so funny, maybe there's something wrong with me.

2003-05-11T19:39:00.000-04:00

THANK YOU, DON AND LEE, FOR THE AWESOME BREAK, YOUR HOSPITALITY, YOUR GOODNESS, AND YOUR FRIENDSHIP!

2003-05-09T10:11:00.000-04:00

WEEKEND AGENDA -- SCORECARD ADDED

1. mochas -- who knows how many? none friday.

2. i think i deserve to be taken out to dinner, don't you? DON'T YOU??? he DID, but we had mother's day running around to do, so we had take out.

3. a good night's sleep. got that.

4. mocha yup.

5. off for a day and night in the country. lee and i will go to the longaberger basket factory. bill and don will shoot things and move dirt around with real earth movers (not tonka toys). i am almost jealous. bought no baskets at longaberger, but purchased some other neat stuff. DID purchase some lovely baskets from an amish buggy on the way to don and lee's. bill went a'huntin.' we come home from don and lee's like brand new people. it is an amazing thing for us to do, so out of our element in some ways. don and lee are THE ABSOLUTE BEST ! we talk, laugh, eat, relax, and experience a whole new side of life for us.

6. lee believes people need to be fed entire meals every two hours. so consumption of mass quantities of good food will be involved, i'm sure. lee extended the time between meals, but still huge quantities were consumed. mmmmm.

7. then we go OUT for the evening. i'm guessing food will be involved there, too. and gambling. appetizers only, SO LEE, OF COURSE FED US AGAIN when we got back. good time. it was a reverse raffle. we WERE the last ticket called, but unfortunately, it was in the loser's raffle after the big reverse raffle.

8. sleep. yup.

9. eat some more. obviously.

10. drive home. yup.

11. mocha. AFTER mother;s day gala, but yup. the gay guy in starbucks is gonna get his ass kicked soon if he doesn't cut out the flirting with bill.

12. let the mother's day gala begin! happy mother's day to me. happy mother's day to me, happy mothers day to alla you bloggers, happy mother's day to me.

2003-05-08T12:30:00.000-04:00

DONE.

86. i am finishing this today. i swear to god i am finishing this today.
87. i have a “thing” for baskets. i used to make ‘em. now i just buy them. they are all over my house. bill collects watches and pens – i collect baskets. i don’t mean “collect” in the way some people collect stamps. i mean collect as in “buy.”
88. today i am pissed at dick cheney (the halliburton thing). i’d say “shame on you, dick,” but i don’t think that’s possible. the dick is shameLESS. i guess you think it’s good enough that there are enough REAL americans who are ashamed of this WHOLE, FUCKING MESS. that you and georgie made. sickening. you soul-less sack-o-shit.
89. today i’m also pissed at the kids (girls AND boys) at the illinois high school who “hazed” the junior girls in the powder puff football game. come on administrators – get your shit together – you know who these kids are. identify them. and local authorities – charge them. FELONY ASSAULT. call it what it is. hazing. bullshit. oh wait. these seniors are probably the cream of the crop up there, huh? might jeopardize a few scholarships? take away the warm fuzzies you all are feeling about your fucking round pegs???
90. my brain is too angry from those last two entries to think clearly right now. give me a minute and i’ll be on number ...
91. i have one of those “aqua baby” frogs that is over 3 year's old on my desk at work. i bought it because i was told that they only live about a year. i didn’t sign up for this! bill killed two of them within a month. i mean freddie is cute and all, but it’s not like i’m emotionally attached to him (her?).
92. 92. 92. 92. hmmm. oh. and how bout that bill bennett? and his estimated $8,000,000 gambling spree in the past ten years? book of virtues. shit. download fucking solitaire and feed a couple of other rich families for a LIFETIME, mr. morality. mr. principles. you know what? yeah, you had every right to spend your money in whatever ridiculous way you want; but don’t pretend to be so fucking VIRTUOUS, kay? kay?
93. ok. let me talk about something good. i think my husband is soooo smart and compassionate and loving. i can’t believe i found him when i was so young. so lucky. i know – this is really sappy, but i need to relax here. these fucking republicans have got me so pissed today.
94. family values. love that term. i just think it means something COMPLETELY different than what a lot of people think it means.
95. i’d like to go on record and say to the osbourne’s (ozzy, sharon, jack) that i also am proud of jack’s voluntary admission to rehab for drugs. you guys are DEFINITELY weird, but not bad. or evil. and i kinda like weird. i heard a radio “drive team” the other morning sarcastically discussing the osbourne’s “lovely family values” in admitting jack to rehab. FUCK YOU! who the hell do you think you are? better to dress jack up real pretty in some kind of abercrombie and fitch uniform and pretend he’s perfect??? that would be your kind of family values. raise some real cute and presentable sick fucks like in #89. we need more of ‘em. need to clone some more dicks and georges for the next round.
96. i once called dr. laura. do you fucking believe it??? me??? but guess what? somebody who was related to the subject of the call heard me on the radio and recognized me and the situation!!! DO NOT CALL DR. LAURA. IT IS NOT A GOOD IDEA, trust me. just e-mail me with your problems. ummm. maybe not. but DO NOT CALL DR. LAURA. period.
97. i once got yelled at on a nationally broadcast radio show by dr. laura. ok. i cheated by making this a new number. sue me.
98. bill and i clean up real good, and people think that we think the same way they do. you kind of have to get to know us to figure out that that is not the case. even a lot of bill’s family think they know him, but they’re not even close.
99. i’m not real fond of some of bill’s family. and NOT for the reasons THEY think.
100. do NOT call dr. laura.

2003-05-07T22:50:00.000-04:00

I'M BA-ACK!

harry chapin (bill and i are watching one of his last performances) and the news story today about the senior/junior girl's "hazing" (i place that word in quotation marks because hazing is much too nice of a word for what these girls did to their classmates) incident have me thinking -- AGAIN -- about things that have happened with my kids in the past. harry just sang his song about the little boy who colors flowers in all the different colors of his crayons and is corrected by his teacher. she wants him to conform.

never been a strong suit here in langville. conformity. [a relative once DID call bill and me "mr. and mrs. pta" once -- believe me, our local pta would not have taken THAT kindly.] anyway, here's the story. bill and i go to school -- jackson's in second grade -- for his second-grade parents' day thingy. we walk in, and the first thing you notice is the chalk tray in the front of the room. lined up in the chalk tray are lovely head portraits of the kids' parents. one for the mom, one for the dad. sweet. except the two that bill and i IMMEDIATELY identify as the jackal's art work. the big bald male head has SOMETHING hanging out of its mouth. later we're told, "IT'S A PORK CHOP!" of course it is. duh. the lady next to us starts whining about her child's artistic representation of her. i have no sympathy and respond, "at least YOU'RE not holding a MACHINE GUN!"

everybody in the classroom can see that i'm holding a machine gun in my portrait (just like patty hearst's sla photograph, but without the beret). they are afraid to look me in the face, they are so embarrassed for me. but the kids are not embarrassed -- they've been DYING to see my reaction. but we're not embarrassed. i think it's pretty cool.

i've experienced that averting-of-the-eyes thing since then, too. that drug addict thing. i'm not supposed to be proud.

but these kids in illinois -- the senior girls AND the boys who egged them on. feel shame. please, please feel shame. for the rest of your lives. and parents of these kids -- you, too.

2003-05-06T20:52:00.000-04:00

YAWN

i took off last friday and yesterday to make a nice long weekend. had a really great leisurely coupla days. the sore throat and cold symptoms held off until last night. i've been fighting off ear infections for about a week, too. it's all coming at me pretty quick now. i'm really swamped at work -- need to catch up before i succomb. wish me luck. i'm goin' to bed.

2003-05-03T09:36:00.000-04:00

BILL AND THE LADY

for this picture to make any sense, you have to read this.

2003-05-01T08:53:00.000-04:00

PHEW.

last night after dinner, bill had work to do, i wanted to read, so we head upstairs early. comfortable old marriage evening. i read something to him from the book i thought was clever, and saw he was working on an e-mail. he said he was responding to a blog friend. i said what about? this is what i HEAR: “you of all people would understand a little something on the side.” something like that. WHAT?????!!!!!

three hours later (the fight would PROBABLY make the top-5 list), bill understands what i THOUGHT i heard, says it said “HUGH of all people ...”

ohhhhh. never mind.

SOMEDAY we’ll laugh about this.

2003-04-29T14:45:00.000-04:00

JOKE

i feel like i know these people. can't quite put my finger on it.

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. "Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"

"Oh my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."

"What?" my son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?" she inquired (I actually think she said this sarcastically!).

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).

"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you know," she informed me (again with the sarcasm).

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on.

I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it. "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience, I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

"OH, Gross!" they shrieked.

"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. don't you?).

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later. "We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.

"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.

"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

"Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know. "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?).

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.

We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

Breathe, Ernie, breathe, he urged.

"I don't think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake).

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass. "What do you think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested scientifically.

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um....um....masturbate. Just the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed, glancing at my wife.

"Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr.Cameron."

We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie's just...just...excited," my wife offered.

"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence.

Then my viscious, cruel wife started to giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face.

"It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

"That's enough," I warned.

We thanked the vet and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and our son back into the car. He was glad everything was going to be okay. "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad," he told me.

"Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.

2 Hamsters - $10...
1 Cage - $20...
Trip to the Vet - $30...
Memory of your hubby pulling on a hamster's wacker........Priceless

2003-04-28T15:49:00.000-04:00

I'M GONNA GET TO 100 IF IT KILLS ME

71. i have to go to the bathroom. brb.

72. the bathroom is waaay down the hall in my building. it's just wrong.

73. there are at LEAST four computers in my house turned on at all times. networked. all on line. and not that pussy kind of wireless networking shit. the real deal. wiring everywhere. and when the big guys come home, there are more.

74. my dog (down to ONE dog in the house right now -- must correct that soon) won't let me lay on the pool float alone. she watches and waits until it bumps into the side and walks on it to be with me. right when i'm getting ready to doze off. scares the shit out of me.

75. this same dog, sheba, watches tv. she gets all agitated when she sees other dogs, but i'm not sure -- i think she thinks COWS are just really big dogs. so she just watches any kind of animal.

76. bill reminded me of this in his 100 things: on our first married night, we spent the night in a holiday inn in lima, ohio. bill went out and got us burger chef for dinner. he thinks that shows how crazy HE is, but i think it shows how crazy I am for allowing this. AND, it's not like we flew out the next morning for fucking cancun or something. we went right to our apartment in ada, ohio, and spent the week. the highlight: bill got to play baseball all week on the local team. i mean, we couldn't go anywhere where he couldn't fucking play baseball, NOW COULD WE???

77. i'm not bitter. really.

78. i mean we were 19 and 20. WHO KNEW that we'd grow up someday? umm. i mean I'D grow up.

79. but i'm really not bitter. i like him an awful lot still.

80. further proof that I'M the one who's ca-razy.

81. i believe that happiness is not something that just happens or is bestowed upon you. i believe that it's a choice. and hard work. very hard sometimes.

82. i believe that there are things in everyone's life that are gifts: births, marriages, loves, chances, addictions, illnesses, change. and that you can't fucking miss them. recognize them, learn from them if they're presented as challenges, and appreciate them. if you don't, the gods will stop throwing them at you.

83. i believe in angels. living and otherwise. i've met a couple of them here.

84. i think i'm somebody you can trust. with your heart. to be honest. to try to figure out what the right thing is and try to do it.

85. i'm kind of shy with people IN PERSON when they first meet me. it bugs the shit out of me.

2003-04-28T11:08:00.000-04:00

HOW TO STAY YOUNG
from an e-mail i received. written by george carlin (the piece -- not the e-mail!)
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.
2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

2003-04-27T21:14:00.000-04:00

TEA AND LIBYA

these didn't work for me at all, unless i'm libyan tea -- somewhere in the middle, which i'm afraid defines about 4 billion others. thanks, anyway, lucy.

http://quiz.ravenblack.net/flavour.pl

Cor blimey, I taste like Tea.

I am a subtle flavour, quiet and polite, gentle, almost ambient. My presence in crowds will often go unnoticed. Best not to spill me on your clothes though, I can leave a nasty stain.

http://bluepyramid.org/ia/cquiz.htm

You're Libya!

It seems that these days, you just say things to get attention. Shock value is the really important thing for you now. You used to have a cause, and this made you seem like a threat to the established order, but now you just want to say wacky stuff once in a while. Air travel doesn't really mesh with your lifestyle, and you'd probably scare the security guards somehow anyway.

2003-04-27T14:07:00.000-04:00

SATURDAY NIGHT???

this is why men should not be allowed to make plans:

stace: what time are we supposed to be there?
bill: 6? 7?
stace: which is it?
bill: let me call candy and make sure...candy? hi! what time are we supposed to be at your house?... grant didn't tell you? ... we made plans -- grant invited us over for dinner and euchre... don't worry about it... just tell grant to call me...no problem...talk to you later. bye.

2003-04-25T16:11:00.000-04:00

SIX ENTRIES TODAY -- 7 COUNTING THIS! WOOHOO!

2003-04-25T15:57:00.000-04:00

LADIES’ ROOM ETIQUETTE BY STACEY

my dear friends who are regular visitors – i know i’m probably preaching to the choir HERE – you guys KNOW all of this and i’m sure will add more. and those three or four men who read this, i know you have your OWN issues. indulge me. forgive my venting.
ok. maybe i spend way too much time thinking about this. i don’t think it could be classified (clinically) as obsessive; and i’m guessing some of you think about this stuff, too. these are MY rules – feel free to throw in some of your own.

1) noises: NONE are acceptable in the ladies’ room. none. there is a woman in my building who seems to be on my schedule (bathroom-wise) A LOT. she settles herself in the stall and starts with her exasperated sighing – she is soooo angry that she of all people has to do this! but then she gets into it. i swear she has brought an appliance or person into the stall with her – it’s like meg ryan in when harry met sally. wtf????? STOP IT!

2) when you leave the stall, FIRST wash your hands, THEN you can fiddle with your hair and make-up. i shouldn’t have to tell you this.

3) if the bathroom key you are using is shared with other people, open the door with it, and then put it immediately in your pocket. do NOT carry it in and out of the stall with you.

4) for christ’s sake: WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS!!!!!!!! don’t just rinse them. spend 15 freakin seconds lathering them. you don’t have to lather for 17 minutes like the dept. of health recommends – but the turning on of the faucet, pass through the water stream, turning off the faucet with your filthy fingers doesn’t impress me.

5) YOU are the reason i use a paper towel to turn off the faucet and don’t dare to touch the door handle on the way out.

6) and the handicapped stall: of course you can use it! go ahead. but i would feel REALLY guilty if i was in it, and somebody in a wheelchair came to visit my building, had to use the bathroom, and had to wait for me to finish. when there are 7 other non-handicapped, unoccupied stalls there. that’s just me. i’m just sayin.

2003-04-25T15:03:00.000-04:00

BLOGGING MACHINE

i'm just a big kazoofus blogging MACHINE here today. aren't you all impressed?

2003-04-25T15:00:00.000-04:00

APOCALYPSE?

two things:

***bill and i blogged about somebody from high school (and before that) days. my reunion entry below refers to someone named "s." bill's sun paper blog talks about him at the end. ewwww.

***i'm worried about this apostrophe thing. isn't anybody else? is this only a klink family problem? in trying to find the correct plural form of the word "apostrophe," on google, i found this link, which i cannot access from work. ACCESS DENIED. what is going on here?

Plural Apostrophe
... Plural Apostrophe Not an apostrophe but not a comma either... (-4, +1), ... snagger,
Sep 25 2001. Isn'ta plural apostrophe one of the signs of the Apostrolypse? ...
www.halfbakery.com/idea/Plural_20Apostrophe - 27k - Cached - Similar pages

Resources_apostrophes

2003-04-25T11:11:00.000-04:00

REUNIONS

when i told these stories to my coworker, jen, she asked if there may have been some kind of tourettes-like syndrome thingy "going around" in my old school.

***my great, good, old friend b! was talking to a guy we graduated with at next-to-last reunion. s was cute, popular, dumb as a bag of hammers, and sleazy in the old days. s said to betty, "i had the biggest crush on you in high school, but you were so unpopular."

***i was talking to a good old friend, t, having a very nice conversation. t fondly puts his hand on my face and says "heavy people have the nicest complexions."

2003-04-25T10:39:00.000-04:00

I GOT OPTIONS, YOU KNOW!

i was looking for an old e-mail and found this (originally to marlene). two disclaimers:

**i LOVE lesbians -- just not in that way.

**i really have no idea how old i was in this story -- if you read #1 in my hundred things, you'll see why i've got a headache already thinking about this.

i wear these BITCHIN' yellow converse chuck taylor all-star high-top tennis shoes. they are my favorite shoes of all time. not good in the desert, though. prickly pear cactus spikes go RIGHT THROUGH THEM.

anyway, bill, jackson, and i are out to dinner at applebee's coupla years ago. i go to the bathroom. young woman walks in right behind me. i'm in stall, she's washing her hands. says to me "hey, i don't usually do this, i hope you don't mind, but here's my phone number [as she hands me a piece of paper through door crack]. those shoes say a lot about you, and i'd love to party with you some time." i say, "thanks, but my son would be closer to your age [i think i've hit the lottery for mat or mark]. i'm 45." she says, "cool, but it's you i'm interested in. i'm a dyke." HOLY SHIT!! this is the first time i've been hit on for a while, but she's a SHE! DAMMIT!! i say, demurely and graciously of course, "thanks." she leaves. i sit in bathroom for a while. feel like i've swallowed a canary. try to walk back to table not looking like it. tell guys. have to show them the paper to prove it (THAT I GOT HIT ON!!!). they can't sit there quietly at all. they are DYING. thank GOD mat and mark were not there. the riot police might have been necessary.

to this day, they all call the shoes "the lesbian shoes."

2003-04-25T10:18:00.000-04:00

FRIDAY!

how much do you love me, bill? enough for stino's again? and a mocha after? or not?

2003-04-24T10:00:00.000-04:00

IT'S A GOOD DAY

1. i had a really good starbucks mocha this morning.

2. i made tire tracks in the frost on my grass this morning. a big circle. leave a note in my mailbox. make my day.

3. lucy said "assimilate into the borg" to me last night! one MORE reason you rock, luce.

4. i have an incredible family.

5. my car started this morning. even though bill left the car door open last night. why, you ask? i don't know.

6. my boss is taking me out to lunch today.

7. i'm getting my hair done today.

8. TODAY IS JACKSON'S ONE YEAR SOBRIETY DATE!!!!! stop by his site and give him some love. he rocks.

2003-04-23T15:14:00.000-04:00

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Integrity is not a 90 percent thing, not a 95 percent thing; either you have it or you don't.

Peter Scotese

2003-04-23T14:25:00.000-04:00

MARLENE NEEDS TO BLOG

my friend, marlene, has a very sweet dog, windsor; and she sent me this this morning:

windsor has been babysitting this baby bird all morning. i made them both nuts trying to get a shot of the two together. windsor kept hiding it under his big face. i snapped the bird when it walked into the nearby shrubs (it just moseys around the yard with windsor straddling it every now and then, but when i point the camera he hovers over it. it seems totally unafraid of its gigantic hairy protector, but flails away around me.

the baby bird is under his chin in the doggy photo. he hides it from me when i point the camera, wagging the whole time. right now they are sitting together in the garage. baby dove's wings will grow stronger as the day goes by, and he will leave the yard eventually. Until then, he couldn't be in a safer place than with his big ol' hairy friend.

2003-04-22T22:27:00.000-04:00

FROM BAD TO WORSE

2003-04-22T15:13:00.000-04:00

WORDS WOMEN USE (unashamedly stolen from an e-mail i received -- author unknown)
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

NOTHING
This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow.

GO AHEAD
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.

THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

2003-04-21T15:30:00.000-04:00

I'M IN A BAD MOOD -- BUT I GOT TO 70 ANYWAY.

53. we’ve had to put two dogs to sleep this year (2003). now we’re down to one dog. i’d like to say that we’ll never have to do this again, but it’s part of being a dog owner / lover. doesn’t make it ANY easier knowing this going in.
54. my youngest child is a recovering drug addict. if that turns you off or makes you go tsk, tsk, you’re at the wrong site, baby. get the fuck out of here.
55. i said before that i hope we do the war in iraq “right,” but i don’t think we have. so far.
56. i think george w. is an idiot. and he may be evil, i haven’t decided what i believe about that. i think donald rumsfeld and dick cheney are evil. even if gw is only an idiot, we’re fucked. this war MAY go on as long as the war in ireland has.
57. i’m not talking about the war anymore. today.
58. i don’t have a passport.
59. i HAVE been to canada and the bahama’s (you don’t need a passport). WOOHOO! except i got so sunburned the day before going to nassau that i couldn’t go outside until after dark the entire trip.
60. i used to get sunburned a lot. now i’m pretty careful. but i worry about the affects of all those years of abuse.
61. i’m in a bad mood today (starting at #53). can you tell? kathy says cranky works for me.
62. because of my ms-like thingy, at least twice a week, i “hit the wall” and have to go home and go to bed pretty much right away. it’s a pain in the ass. and it’s still hard for me to not feel guilty about it. i think today might be one of those days.
63. i can’t see shit without my glasses. and contacts are out of the question cuz i’m cross-eyed (not so you can see it) and need a prism in the lens. cross (i originally typed close -- i crack me up sometimes) your eyes and try to focus on something. you can’t.
64. can you tell i’m in a “cranky” place today? blame it on peri-menopause. it’s the hormones! or lack thereof. that’s my story, and i’m sticking to it.
65. i LOVE starbucks mochas. bad habit.
66. i’d like to write really eloquently and movingly about embracing your kids as they are. i don’t mean that you should just accept the fact that he or she may be a drug addict, and say “oh well.” i mean love them if they’re square pegs, and do NOT give up on them. do NOT. that means you might have to get off your ass. and make your kids your first priority. and quit saying, “i DID that,” or “i DO that.” i’ve sat in too many intensive outpatient treatment group therapy sessions where the parents mantra is “i’ve done EVERYTHING,” when the next words out of their mouths are, “my insurance doesn’t cover that” or “i don’t have time for that.” all i’m saying is there’s a LOT you can do, but maybe not a lot that you do do.” i’m just babbling here. i’m in a bad mood.
67. i guess that a big part of what i WANTED to say in #66 was education related. if you have a square peg (learning-wise), you must be his or her advocate in school. you must. cuz if you don’t, the school system will just keep trying to shove that square peg into a round hole (and chipping off big chunks of him or her in the process). teachers and administrators aren’t gods. they may THINK they are because they have so much power, but they are not. save your kid. teach him or her yourself if you must. because you must.
68. i was baptized a catholic, made my first holy communion, went to catholic school off and on for a while, was confirmed in the one, holy, apostolic church; but the day before easter when i was 13, when my little sis and i went to confession, the priest told my sweet, i-want-to-be-a-nun sister that he would not grant her absolution because our parents were divorced and therefore sinners. i was next in line. i walked out of the church with her. now i don't let mortals get between me and MY god. my god is loving, forgiving, kind, good. that doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t ask a lot from me that i TRY to give.
69. i’m gonna say what i’ve said before regarding that last one. it’s called “FAITH.”
70. i’m done here today. i’m in a bad mood. latah.

2003-04-21T11:32:00.000-04:00

AN OBLIGATION TO ITS MEMBERS

my favorite part of this is:

"Generally speaking, the company has an obligation to its members to effectively manage the payment of benefits according to the subscriber's policy," Medical Mutual said.

i love what you're doing in my name, medical mutual! just so you know, that was sarcasm.

but it's the LAWYERS who are making all the money. pffft. again -- sarcasm.

2003-04-21T09:12:00.000-04:00

RESTRAINT

sister joy (my sister, not a nun) spent easter with us. the big guys (matt, mark, and katie) left saturday. matt back to pennsylvania, mark and katie to katie’s parents in chicago.

joy’s opening a little store in brasstown, nc, and will be purveying chocolate goodies, along with lots of other stuff. so, after a nice little easter dinner, we dipped in chocolate the following: double stuff oreos, mint oreos, ritz crackers, pretzels, strawberries, and made two batches of toffee.

i ate EXACTLY 2 ritz crackers, 1 pretzel, and one piece of toffee.

I’M impressed.

2003-04-20T10:28:00.000-04:00

DOG, GOD, AND BUNNY EARS

i’m thinking that my god would really think it’s cool to have betsy’s soul brought back today. not just betsy’s soul – god’s really giggling up there today bringing back lots of souls. my god is fun-ny. i wonder how hard it would be to find a puppy born today. but then even if we could find some litters born today, it’d be really hard to recognize the coolness that was betsy while this puppy’s so young. the haughty trampiness. she was very proud of the fact that SHE was the purebred.

so i’m hoping she’s the first pup i fall in love with – although that will probably be the first pup i see. so i just have to have faith. and see where that leads us.

***

ok, christians, don’t get all offended by that last post. this isn’t your forum. you’ve got plenty of your own – soon to be government funded. anyway, this is my blog. about my thoughts. and one of the unassailable tenets of MY life is about respecting ALL religions – even christianity. well, i guess i’d have to say that i really don’t include those kinds of worship (like the devil-worship weirdo thingy and anything else like that). so, all i’m saying is that MY god is loving, good, kind, AND funny. that’s all. that’s why it’s called faith (i.e. it’s inside your OWN heart) and NOT law. well, used to be anyway.

***

dana fessed up in the comments of the bunny-ear thing that she started from the bunny butt and saved the ears for last. two things:

**i heard the statistics, but didn’t believe them. but, there ARE actually these kinds of people! i’m thinking a government study is in order.

**you never can tell about people, i was thinking in the shower. they walk around mascarading as “normal” people, and you just assume they eat the ears first (JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE), but no. people are different. and just cuz they like to eat the bunny butts first does not mean their viewpoint should not be respected. they probably have a very good reason for this. and, i’m thinking, that dana (i don’t know about others – i know a little about dana being a really GOOD person from reading her blog) probably does this cuz she’s not selfish. like me. or like other people in my house. who eat the ears and leave the bunny. but then this person goes on to de-ear more bunnies. so just when you feel like some bunny ears, you go looking for bunnies. all you can find are lots and lots of deaf bunnies.

2003-04-18T18:22:00.000-04:00

FESS UP!

i heard on the radio today that 70% of chocolate-bunny eaters eat the ears first.

WHAT???!!! THAT MEANS 30 PERCENT DON'T!!! who are you??? and why???

2003-04-18T15:04:00.000-04:00

WHY BLOG?

i've come up with two more reasons:

1) people can voluntarily ignore me. i talk. a lot. i catch the guys at my house rolling their eyes sometimes. they may have passed out from the sound of my voice; it's possible i just continued and didn't notice. i just have a lot to say. not everybody agrees it has to be said, so blogging is quieter, i guess.

2) i can't remember the other reason. hold on. oh forget it. i'll remember later. then forget. then remember. tell me what YOU think.

2003-04-18T14:07:00.000-04:00

LAWN WARS

***before i bore you to tears with this story below, an update: betsy “goes in” tomorrow morning (11:45). sniff. thanks to all of you sweeties for your good thoughts.

i love my house. it’s been our home since matt was in kindergarten and jax was still in diapers.

we REALLY have the loveliest neighbors. the only neighbor to share a lawn border with us is moving to florida soon, and i will miss them terribly. we moved into the house on halloween, 1986. these same neighbors have a HUGE house, impeccably maintained, inside and out. two days after we moved in, after the frenzy of activity that marked the previous days, we tried to be very lazy and finally let down for a while. these neighbors have no idea what that means. on november 2, they spent the entire day doing YARD WORK! NOVEMBER 2! IN CLEVELAND! we thought, “uh oh.” we thought for sure they would immediately regret having that empty corner lot next door filled. well maybe not immediately, but by mid-next summer for sure.

spring brought the landscapers to the house. bushes were planted, lawn was seeded. when a lawn is planted with seed, you have to baby it completely. our corner lot is huge, and the constant watering seemed like a full time, slippery, dangerous job. position the sprinkler to soak one area, move it after one hour to another spot, repeat. it took all day to water this lot! but you must do this if you want a lawn. sheesh.

the grass came up nicely, we bought a lawn tractor, we looked pretty much like we were like the rest of the neighborhood. i say pretty much only because the first time the paper girl came to collect, she let loose the close-guarded opinion of the neighborhood (evidently): “this house isn’t THAT small!” as she stood inside the door waiting to get paid. pfffft.

but, as i said, we have wonderful neighbors. the gardeners next door are very, very nice people. their daughter, who was 11 when we moved in, started off as a mother’s helper for me so i could get things done in the house as she watched the boys, and within a couple years moved up to my number-one baby sitter. sweet laura. married, living in columbus, tending her own yard meticulously, i’ve heard (even though she HATED the devotion to the greenery in their yard that she felt her parents imposed on her. she told me once that when she had a home, she’d fill the lawns completely with river rock!). we are quite fond of the neighbors directly across the street, as we believe they are of us.

after the grass and shrubbery were well established and thriving, we did what we always do. we do not water grass. let me repeat that: we do not water grass. it’s GRASS, for crying out loud. it starts out green in the spring, goes dormant slowly over the course of the summer, only to come alive again in september. it’s what grass does. or is supposed to do. we refuse to waste time, money, and natural resources for green grass. every summer, there is a sprinkling ban in our area. pffft. people around here set their auto-sprinklers for the middle of the night so as not to get caught.

our next-door neighbors (the gardeners) don’t care that we don’t water. they laugh with us every september when our lawn looks BETTER than those lawns that have been forced all summer long (and thus weakening their root structure, btw). but the people in the neighborhood who DON’T KNOW US PERSONALLY make comments to the neighbors that DO, assuming that this must be of paramount importance to EVERYBODY! and ONE has actually left a note in our neighbor’s mailbox about OUR lawn! evidently, our non-comforming grass is bringing down the property values in our neighborhood.

unfortunately for the note-writing asshole*, however, our grass over the past 10 years has been setting quite the example! more and more people every year in our neighborhood have begun letting their grass go dormant. it’s not yet the norm, and i probably shouldn’t be taking credit for this trend; but it is spreading. it’s a GOOD thing.

*it was easy to figure out who this doofus was. he volunteered that his realtor told him about the property value thing, and there was ONE house for sale in the development; and it sported a conspicuously lush and unnatural lawn.

i know billy told this story before (he was much less verbose as i remember): the neighbor across the street was doing yardwork, and a guy from down the street (assuming that this neighbor MUST share the same lawn-worship sensibility) complained to neighbor NOT ONLY about the sorry state of our lawn, but about the fact that we PLAYED with the boys on this grass EVERYDAY. HORRORS! my hero neighbor replied: they’re not raising grass over there – they’re raising kids.

god, that was boring.

2003-04-14T11:34:00.000-04:00

SO SAD

many thanks and hugs to those of you who left your kind thoughts about the betsy. i spoke to the vet this morning about our concerns and our subsequent decision. he thought it sounded best, too. said it was the last act of love to her. so this week, we'll be loving her like crazy and feeding her all her favorite goodies. yesterday morning, she spent some time outside laying against the front door like she does in good weather. bill and i could hear the kids in the neighborhood outside running around, laughing, yelling, generally whooping it up. we talked about how we hoped she was laying there listening, thinking about these kinds of days with her boys. she'll see all of them together again on friday.

sheba, mark, jax, bill, matt, bets

2003-04-13T18:19:00.000-04:00

THE BETSY

we wanted a dog for a long time. so, the easy way to finally take the plunge was to say that we'd get a dog for jackson's 6th birthday. we asked him what kind of a dog he'd like. "a dog with a pushed-in face," he said. great. a boxer would be perfect. found a breeder nearby with boxer puppies ready to be weaned and "adopted." we knew we'd take her when we saw her, but we pretended that it was not a visceral decision and did all the little "tests" to "prove" that she was an acceptable choice. she was 9 weeks old. we knew we'd call her betsy before we got her as on the way to the breeder's, i very subtly manipulated the vote by convincing the hold-out, matthew, that betsy would be a perfect name as revenge to the 9 year-old betsy in his 4th grade class who scorned matt's 4th grade advances.

she is a very large female boxer, about 60 lbs. in her prime; and we knew that boxers don't live as long as a lot of other breeds, usually about 9 years. she'd be 12 this july, but she won't make it. her hips have deteriorated alarmingly in the past six months especially, to the point where her back legs are about as bad as they can be and still be useable in some small way. she needs help on and off the couches and bed (yes, we have spoiled her terribly), and bill has had to carry her up and down the stairs the last two days. we've really been successful for the most part in managing a lot of her discomfort (pain), this is a BIG priority for us -- we can't stand to see her in pain. walking is extremely difficult for her, she's having a difficult time controlling her bowels, and she's started walking into walls.

we let the college guys know this afternoon that it's time -- they've both changed their easter weekend plans to be here friday to see her and say good bye.

jesus, this is hard. i know bill's upstairs blogging AND crying his eyes out. he took this picture friday.

2003-04-11T20:23:00.000-04:00

MY HAIR

this is what my hair looks like. except kind of burnt looking at the end. crap.

2003-04-11T14:45:00.000-04:00

UPDATE

1. my hair STILL looks like i've had a grill-lighting accident.

2. nobody who reads this site knows man from u.n.c.l.e.

3. i'm going to see "tommy" tonight! woohoo!

4. still no tattoos.

5. i heard a rumor bill's cleaning out the garage tomorrow. keep tuned for further updates.

2003-04-10T11:34:00.000-04:00

NEXT!

34. Illya Kuryakin. definitely.
35. i don’t have any tattoos. bill has one. jax has two. matt has three. mark has ... two. fooled you, huh? you thought i was gonna say four, dincha?
36. jesus christ, this is hard!
37. i’m counting that last one! and this one, too!
38. wow. 38. i’m rolling now. i don’t think it’s correct to spell stacey like this: stacy, stacie, staci. especially not staci where the i is dotted with a cute little circle or a heart.
39. i didn’t meet another stacey until i was 14. it was a boy. back then – in the olden days – stacey was a male name. it was cool back then to be a girl named stacey. now it sounds like i’m just an old chick with a little girl’s name. AND NOBODY CAN SPELL IT!
40. everytime the teacher in the cafeteria in high school said “stay seated!” over the loud speaker, i jumped. cuz i thought he was yelling “STACEY!”
41. i played french horn, flute, and a little guitar back in the day. sometimes now i fool around with a recorder (DON'T’CALL IT A FLUTOPHONE!). i’m not very good at it anymore, but i try. and it’s fun. i really would like to collect recorders, but my family is really NOT cooperating. ESPECIALLY my little sis: she borrowed my beautiful blond-wood alto recorder and lost it in her divorce move! she kind of redeemed herself by buying me a new (not an alto) wooden recorder for christmas.
42. the only kind of organized school sports girls played back in my day were intramural sports. bummer. yay title IX! the girl’s athletic association was a bunch of girls who didn’t make cheerleader cheering the boys on. silly.
43. if you want to torture me, make me watch golf. on tv. wtf is that all about???
44. if i want to torture jax, i make him watch a cooking show or “trading spaces.”
45. i prefer bbc’s “changing rooms” over tlc’s “trading spaces.” not cuz i’m a snob. it’s only 30 minutes. t.s. is an hour.
46. i prefer bbc’s “what not to wear” over ... those two women hosts are a hoot. i don’t like the tlc hosts. it’s a visceral thing.
47. i like to say “it’s a visceral thing.” then you don’t have to explain. you can’t. it just is what it is.
48. i like to say “it is what it is.”
49. i like the word “ennui.” except now i can never say it without thinking of boz.
50. i always liked the word “serendipity,” but then it got too popular.
51. i love “dr. phil.” shut up. you just don’t understand.
52. it took me a loooooong time to think of that number 51. but i wanted to be more than halfway to 100. so now i’m at 52. i could have just made THIS one 51 and have been more than half done. consider yourself lucky. or not.

2003-04-10T08:21:00.000-04:00

DISCUSS, CITE YOUR SOURCES

Napoleon Solo or Illya Kuryakin?